Vaginismus has taken its toll on our marriage. How do we become passionate again?

Vaginismus has taken its toll on our marriage. How do we become passionate again?


There are many things that couples can do to help reignite their passion for each other.


ReIgniting the Passion

Couples that are in the transition phase, or that have overcome vaginismus and are now able to have pain-free intercourse, may find their passion for each other has disappeared as a result of the ongoing trials of vaginismus. Couples can be encouraged that the flame of passion can be renewed with a little effort and persistence.


Ideas Couples Use to Regain Lost Passion

  1. Talk together about what can be done to enhance the passion in the relationship. Freely discuss ideas and make an effort to follow up with them.
  2. Passionate kissing—spend a little time each day kissing passionately (with no pressure to have sex). This doesn’t have to take a lot of time, simply 5-10 minutes will do.
  3. Wake up 10-15 minutes early each morning and spend some time cuddling with each other.
  4. Spend time with your partner just having FUN together again.
  5. Improve or touch up personal appearances. Consider how to look and be more attractive, focusing first on personal grooming—lose some extra pounds by exercising or diet, remove unsightly body hair, etc.
  6. Give yourself permission to fully be a sexual person. Allow your husband to LOVE you. Accept his love (and vice-versa).
  7. If you are not the one who normally initiates—surprise your mate!
  8. Go away for a weekend together.
  9. Spend more time on sensate focus—experiment.
  10. Spice up your sexual routine with each other (i.e. wear a new outfit, listen to different music, light scented candles, make love in front of the fireplace).
  11. Change the furniture in the bedroom around, buy new bedsheets, redecorate, keep the bedroom clean and tidy, etc., to help enhance the romance.
  12. Spend more time thinking positively about your partner throughout your day. Remember positive moments of love from the past and reflect warmly about him or her.

For more information on this subject, there are many books focusing on “reclaiming the flame” that have terrific ideas—see our Resource page for examples.

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