Vaginismus – a lonely condition?

Vaginismus is a very lonely condition. The stigma behind any sexual disorder is crushing but vaginismus is so misunderstood that women often feel like they are the only one who suffers this way. Fear of embarrassment keeps vaginismus locked in silence as women are often ashamed to tell anyone including relatives, best friends or even their doctor. Who would ever understand her when she says, “I can’t have sex?” offers a free, private forum which is a safe place for women with vaginismus to ask questions of professional moderators while meeting women from all over the world who understand their condition. When women first come to our forum they respond much like this:

  • I’m skeptical. Will this program really work?
  • I’m really nervous about this.
  • It seems like I’m the only woman in the world with this problem.
  • Please help me! I need hope.
  • I’m scared, excited, worried, hopeful. I don’t know how to feel!
  • I’m desperately in need of guidance.

After they look through some of the posts in the forum their responses become more positive:

  • It is very comforting to know other women feel the same way I do.
  • I can’t believe someone else actually understands! I’m finally not alone.
  • Reading about the success of other women gives me so much hope.
  • I suffered in silence for too long. I wish I would have known about this sooner.
  • I felt like I was in a foreign land and now I finally found people who speak my language.
  • I’m so encouraged by what I’ve read here.
  • Thank you so much for offering this support.

Although this is a self-help program, there is no need to go through treatment alone. Women from all over the world are willing to help educate and encourage you while providing much needed motivation for your journey. These women are at all stages of vaginismus treatment from those just joining the program to those who have already overcome this condition and now enjoy pain-free intercourse and lead exciting sex lives.

Within the forum it is ‘normal’ to have vaginismus. Can you imagine such a place? It does exist. As a moderator in the forum, I have been privileged to hear many stories of women as they start out very skeptical and then progress through the treatment until finally overcoming the foe of vaginismus. Women talk about their fears, hopes, pain, joys and triumphs as other women share with them and celebrate the victories great and small.

The forum is a unique place of hope and comfort designed to help women who need healing in a unique way. Hundreds of women have already found help through this free and informative service. We hope you will join us.

We wish you all the best, Kate Cardwell Forum Moderator

10 Common Myths About Vaginismus

The following is a list of ten common myths of vaginismus:

  1. Women who have vaginismus are frigid. Frigid is a derogatory term meaning sexually unresponsive. Most women with vaginismus are sexually responsive and deeply desire to make love. When sex always hurts or is uncomfortable it is normal to begin to avoid intimacy.
  2. Vaginismus will go away on its own. Vaginismus does not get better on its own. It requires treatment. The earlier treatment is initiated the more quickly pain-free intercourse will be attained. Do not accept your situation. We have helped many women who have struggled unnecessarily with vaginismus for decades before they sought treatment help.
  3. If we just try harder (keep trying to have sex) it will happen. Continuing to attempt penetrative intercourse while there is pain only makes the vaginismus WORSE – not better. Forcing it does not help. Stop having intercourse if you are having sexual pain and seek treatment.
  4. Taking special vitamins, relaxing, drinking wine, watching sexually explicit videos and/or listening to suggestion tapes all cure vaginismus. These things in themselves do not cure vaginismus. Relaxing, meditating, regular exercise, and eating healthy are all important to one’s overall health but do not cure vaginismus. Watching adult videos and dabbling in sexually explicit imagery does not help vaginismus.
  5. Sex is supposed to hurt. Sex is NOT supposed to hurt. With first-time sex there may be some discomfort but ongoing sexual pain is not normal and needs to be treated.
  6. My husband/partner is just “too big” for me. Although it may seem a likely reason that intercourse is so difficult is because your husband/partner is well-endowed, penis size usually has nothing to do with vaginismus. With vaginismus the vaginal muscles are tightening up (without your conscious control) so there is not enough room for the penis to enter. No matter the size of an adult woman, the vagina is designed to accommodate a fully erect penis.
  7. There is no cure for vaginismus. This statement is completely false. Vaginismus is highly treatable.
  8. It takes thousands of dollars to overcome vaginismus. Vaginismus treatment does not need to cost exorbitant amounts of money. We provide effective and reasonably priced resources to women worldwide.
  9. All women with vaginismus have been sexually abused. There are many emotional and physical causes for vaginismus and sexual abuse is just one of them. Women who develop vaginismus often have abuse-free backgrounds.
  10. Surgery will fix my problem. There is no surgery to fix vaginismus—treatment success follows a straight-forward program. In extremely rare circumstances, a woman may have an especially thick or rigid hymen or other malformation that may require minor surgery to correct, but this is the exception.

Are you suffering from painful intercourse?

Are you suffering from painful intercourse? If so, you are not alone. Female sexual pain is rarely discussed in the media, at the coffee shop or even in the doctor’s office but it is a real problem for many women.

Ongoing sexual pain and discomfort can be destructive to relationships and to a woman’s sense of wholeness. If pain continues, it is only natural that sexual contact will be avoided eventually leading to loss of interest in sexual intimacy altogether. Seeking help for sexual pain is just as important to a woman’s health and well-being as getting help for a tooth-ache or broken leg. The pain and discomfort are real and often worsen without treatment.

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